Thursday, December 2, 2010

Open up to the world

Today is a wierd day for me. I feel rather lonely & awfully melancholy. I miss my mom & sisters. I need to cut sugar out of my diet again. We're getting an inspection done on the farm we want to buy. The first part of the inspection was this morning and they should be finishing the second part right now, I think. Jeremy is with the man doing it & he said he is very thorough. I am the kind of person who gets very excited about something very quickly. I begin to dream of all the wonderful possibilites ahead. My husband is not. I lovingly call him my Eeyore. He looks for the dark cloud & keeps his feet firmly on the ground when it comes to everything. We are made for eachother. I help him to be excited & he helps me see reality for what it is. One of the things I don't like about myself is that I let small things steal my joy. For instance, my Jeremy called me to tell me just a few of the unfortunate things wrong with my dream farm & now the wind is out of my sails. I'm doubting whether or not we should make this deal even though I've seen God's hand in the entire process. We accepted an offer on our current home from the farm owner's daughter & family but it was for an amount lower than what we wanted so we have to save thousands of dollars before closing to make the money add up. We won't have any extra money for fixing up the things the inspector has already found wrong with the property as we're strapping ourselves just buying the property in order to accomplish this lifelong goal. We still love our current home & would love to just magically transport this house to the property we want. It's tough heading into the unknown when you get bogged down with the daily hardships you try to overlook... And then your sweet baby wakes from her nap, puts her tiny arms around your neck & calls you Mama, I love that name! Or your 3 yo runs up to you with his contagious smile to tell you the same secret he tells you everyday while holding my cheeks in his warm, sometimes sticky hands & I smile & I feel a little better.