A teacher made me cry today

This is my Sage. He's 17yo. He's 6'4". He's 240#. He's artistic. He loves children. He loves music. He loves anime. He's a junior. If you're lucky he will hug you (I would pay for a hug from him & not just because he is my son). He is has been dubbed a "gentle giant" by more than a few people.

He also loves to be alone. He is anxious about the future, driving, being late, doing something wrong, & not understanding what's going on. Many lights bother him.  Crowds make his skin crawl. He's dyslexic, dysgraphic, dynomic, has dyscalcula, & has Aspergers. Life in school is challenging to say the least.

Background: When Sage was in the 8th grade, we enrolled him in public school part time so that he could learn that the world isn't scary. It helped but he is still very anxious about things. He went full time for his freshman year & the 1st semester of his sophomore year. Then, we went back to half time homeschool, half time public school. During this time Sage has had FANTASTIC teachers that have been so accomodating & help to draw him out of himself & into the world around him.

This year we were a little nervous. His special ed teacher took a job at the middle school & I so his anchor in his day was gone. His new teacher called me & emailed before school started. I read her bio that she emailed me & I was excited. She has previously worked at DMACC for 17 years helping people get their GED's. I'm imaging that she will be instrumental in helping Sage to find his bent. She will be a valuable asset to learning what might be available at DMACC or elsewhere for Sage to excel at. There are trades that we don't even know about that he might love.

Disclaimer: Please don't read this & think that I am discounting college for my son. I know my child. He would hate college. He is incredibly smart but academia isn't where he will excel. He knows this. We know this. It isn't bad. It's great to know where your niche is.

This last Monday was Parent Meet the Teacher Night at the high school. I have 3 high schoolers & we go to a small high school so I already know most of the teachers. I had a goal of meeting the special ed teacher & some of the new teachers that I hadn't met yet. I wanted to give certain teachers a heads up about Sage & his accomodations. Everything was going great & I'd seen the teachers I wanted to see. I had one more left. Sage's English teacher.

I walked into her room & there were books on every surface. The tables had about 75 books on them. At first I was excited because I love reading. It was like walking into a candy store. AND then my heart sank because I realized that Sage might have to read many of these books & write things about them. His teacher finished talking with another couple & then turned to me. We introduced ourselves & I started in on my rehearsed schpeel (no clue how to spell that). As we talked she let me know that she had a son named Kevin that was a lot like Sage. She had homeschooled her sons until high school & is still a homeschooler at heart. What she means by that is that she doesn't teach from a standard starting place for all the kids. Each child is at a different level & she teaches each kid from where they are at. They will grow. They will be ready for next year. They will be kind. Sage will leave this year thinking that his best subject is English.

I cried. She understood why. She told me that she knew exactly why I was tearing up. She has been there. Her son didn't know he was "dumb" until he went to public school because there is nothing to compare yourself to when you homeschool.  Neither did Sage. My sensitive son didn't know he was different until it was pointed out to him & now he can't forget it. He knows it everyday. He's sweet & kind & wants to please everyone & I can't make it better when the obvious chasm between his abilities & others is highlighted with every assessment or daily assignment. But this teacher, this mom, can help him daily. She promised me. She's already planning ways for him to succeed. SO, I cried when I don't normally cry. My mama heart got a pretty little bandage in the form of hope from this wonderful teacher that my son gets the privilege of learning from all year long. She will speak to his soul & be another person that God has sent to build him up & draw him out into the world around him.

Amazing To Look Back

Everyone has those times in their lives when it's eye opening to look back & remember how far they have come. These past 2 weeks extended me that opportunity, you see, I left my 15yo son at boot camp.

Some of you are thinking, "15! What in the world! He must be one of those bad kids that the parents put in military training." Nope. Two of my sons are member of the Iowa Sea Cadets program. This fantastic program is for kids ages 10-18 & allows them opportunities to see what military life will be like while taking part in amazing experiences such as Coast Guard Training, military medical training, Blackhawks, Field Operations, scuba certification &more.

Anyway, my 15yo was signed up to attend Recruit Training this summer. He had been told by other cadets that it would be awful- he would hate it & he was a little scared.  A couple of days before we left he had started bargaining with me, "If you let me stay home I will get a job & give you all my money for a whole year." Then, the day of it was, "You can't make me do this. I won't get out of the van." We pulled through the security check & I could see it on his face. He was petrified. We pulled into the designated parking lot. He couldn't move. We sat there for 10 min while the little kids asked why he wouldn't get out of the car. Finally I knew that I had to make him do this or he would regret it forever. I opened my van door, stepped out, opened his door & told him to unbuckle. It seems like it took 3 minutes. I told him to step out of the vehicle. He would not. I told him that unless he got out on his own accord, I would go get his CO & they would remove him. To say he was angry would be an understatement. I unloaded his sea bag that I'd packed for him & walked with him towards the check in table. A man in military dress stopped me at the sidewalk & let me know that parents weren't allowed past the garbage can & I'd need to say my goodbyes now. I tried to hug him & whisper words of support in his ear but he wasn't having that. He was mad & slightly embarrassed. I turned & went back to my van.

As we drove out through the security gate I was reflective. I just made my scared 15yo do something that he was either going to hate me for or he was going to love me for it. I've known his entire life that he is destined for a job full of adrenaline; fireman, policeman, race car driver, military man. I'm just hoping that his fear won't get in the way of his experience. Jeremy knew my mood. He asked me when I was going to speak again & how long I was going to feel guilty. I honestly didn't know. That night I slept for about 3 1/2 hours and not in one sitting.

The next day, the CO began posting pictures of all the recruits on Facebook. It was great to see his shaved head but I could still see the anger in his eyes. I was hoping he hadn't lain in bed all night wondering why his mama was making him do this when I was supposed to love him. The next couple of days I stalked that Facebook page 2 or 3 times a day keeping my eyes peeled for any glimpse of my son. I wonder if he's sleeping? Is he remembering to take his meds? Is he eating or is his sensory issues getting in the way? Does he hate me or is he having fun? I can't tell from the pictures because all the recruits look so serious.

Graduation day was July 4th which I think is fantastic! What better way to spend my Independence Day than with the men & women that make my freedom possible. I was awake very early. I got all my littles ready. We headed out to be there early & get a good seat. I couldn't wait to see him. My stomach was in knots while sitting in that metal chair waiting for the ceremony to begin. Alpha company comes in. Bravo company comes in, & finally Charlie company. There he is. There is my baby. My eyes well up in tears & my throat is now the size of a baseball. My heart is pumping a million miles a minute. I watch & I try to listen but all I can do is stare into the face of my son who is also staring straight ahead as he is supposed to. They announce the CO's, the cadets that volunteered to help during the week, & the awards that each company earned. Brody won the Physical Readiness Award for Charlie Company. I am so proud.

Finally the ceremony is over & we are free to go to him. I get to hug him for a couple of seconds & no one else because he is in his dress uniform. We take some pictures, we gather his stuff, & we head for the van after making a plan to head to Hickory Park Restaurant because he is starving. He glowed the whole way home. He talked non stop about all the experiences he'd had. In my head I knew that I was right. He LOVED it. It was exactly what he wanted to do.

When we finally arrive at home Jeremy asks Brody if he learned anything. His response was not what I expected. He said that Freedom of Speech is really important. I'm thinking "What? 12 days of boot camp & you're thinking about Constitutional stuff?" "When you have to be silent for 12 days, unless spoken to, you learn how wonderful it is to be able to say what you want & how important that is."
Well, that's good. But I wanted more. I was hoping for more. He then added, "I also learned that I'm a jerk. I treat our family like my DI's treated us & I don't want to be a jerk anymore." I'm quite sure that ANGELS were singing! I almost cried from that statement but I was fishing for more. I needed to know that he didn't hate me. I asked him about his first night, did he sleep, was he mad at me, etc. He said that it was easy to sleep because he was exhausted. He started out mad but he realized that he missed me. He said that he knows why military guys get a tattoo of MOM on their arm. I told him that I was OK with him getting a MOM tattoo; I'd take him right now! He was shocked for sure. That lead to a whole other discussion about getting a tattoo...

I want you to know that although I was excited to hear that Brody has decided to join the Marines after high school, the thing I loved the most was the 2 weeks after he got back. Why? Brody was happy. He was sweet to his siblings. He asked me to snuggle with him while we watched a show on the tv-EVERYDAY! This might sound like no big deal to many people but when you have a kid that has struggled his whole life with various diagnosis of Aspergers, sensory problems, ODD, ADD, & dyslexia, you don't get many good days. There is always something to send him reeling which sends the whole family into a tailspin. This experience was a win. 5 years ago we didn't have many things to cheer about with Brody. He had grown so much physically & emotionally.  There were years that I worried about whether or not he would survive & thrive in life as an adult. My very real concerns have been alleviated substantially. I can't wait to see what's in store for him now.

Instant Recall-turn it off

I'm writing this because it's all I can think about. I'm praying for 7 little children that I met & I'll probably never see again. Here's how it went:

Today was a busy day. Lots was accomplished before noon by our whole family. This afternoon we were excited to head to eastern Iowa to attend Leah's graduation open house. Family functions are always fun when you've got cousins to play with & talk to. The only fly in my cream was that the AC in our van conked out on Thursday & today was predicted to be 94 degrees. My solution was that we would give the kids big bowls of ice to keep their laps & mouths cool while we hit the open road. Jeremy decided to add 2 coolers with ice also. Did I mention this would be the first time my 11 person family would ride in our van together?

Jeremy wanted to get some computer work done so I drove Clifford the Big Red Van. We had all the normal chaos of our rides & wondering how long til we get there. I noticed another big van pass us & looked to see how many kids I could see inside. About half an hour into our 3 hour drive Jeremy motioned for me to move to the other lane because he saw a tractor further up the road. Being the dutiful wife, I signaled & moved over. What happened next was terrifying & in slow motion in my mind.

The 15 passenger van that just passed us hit the truck following the tractor & spun around with glass & twisted metal. I hit the brakes while checking my mirrors & wondering if I could stop fast enough without hitting them too. I don't remember pulling over. I don't remember stopping. I see a picture of the driver getting out of the front seat & running to the crushed passenger door. I see my feet hitting the ground after checking behind me for on coming traffic. I see a little boy climbing out of the driver's door with blood pouring down his face. I'm calling to him to come to me. His name is B. I tell him he's hurt & I need him to lay down in the grass. I'm holding his forehead together & calling for Jeremy to bring the cooler of ice, blankets, towels, pillows, whatever. I'm signaling for help. 

The man behind our van comes & gives me his shirt to help staunch the blood. Now more little kids are being lined up on the grass next to me. Brody is there & I ask him to put pressure on B's head while I assess the other kids. B's sister's hips hurt & she has no scrapes. Her abdomen is soft & she wants her mama. I tell her she is brave & give her my sunglasses to keep the sun out of her eyes while I check her toes & fingers for feeling. E has a contusion on his face & a scrape on his leg but he's so quiet I'm worried that he's hurt elsewhere. I have him lay on the blanket next to his brother whose back hurts. He doesn't hurt anywhere else & I tell him he must lay very still until the paramedics come. He isn't wearing a shirt. Little R & her sister have seat belt injuries & I'm worried about internal bleeding for Little R. They are a family of 10 children but only 7 are in the van.

Other drivers that are stopped are bringing umbrellas to shade them while they lay in the grass & sun. We are putting ice on the bruises & bumps. I have Julia get my oils & put Lavender on the little ones to help calm them. I'm trying to give directions & keep the crying children calm. I'm not sure if their dad is hurt but he's trying to walk back & forth in the ditch comforting his children as best he can. He says he looked back for just a second...

The man driving the truck has a laceration on the back of his head. Another driver is assisting him & I stay with the kids. There are so many helpful people around them. Finally the police & 2 ambulances arrive. I gave the paramedics the triage info. They start doing the same assessments that I just did which reassures me that I haven't forgotten my skills from nursing school. The police ask all the helpers to leave but I still feel like I need to stay. How can I leave these scared children? They begin to put them into ambulances. They are going to different hospitals depending on their injuries. I still don't want to leave.I still have B's blood all over my hands. I get some wipes from the Ambulance.

I get into the van. Brody tells me that there were 3 other nurses & a doctor that stopped with us. Jeremy gave the sheriff our numbers. The policeman says that the truck is leaking gas & they disconnected the battery just in case. It took a lot of wipes to get the blood off my hands & wrists & feet but I can't get the images out of my brain. I wasn't very chatty at the open house. The whole thing is on instant replay in my mind.

I'll probably never see them again but I'm praying for B & E & R & all the rest of them.